Only Idiots Need Apply

In a recent article I wrote, I bemoaned the disrespect that many website owners have for freelance writers. But there’s disrespect, and there’s disrespect. The individual who posted the following ad on Gumtree Australia, which I present in all its unedited imbecility, scales such dizzying heights with his disrespect for freelancers that he’s punched a hole in the ozone layer—of Mars.

Are you interested in writing?

Perhaps you’ve dreamed of writing your memoirs?

Or fancied yourself as a creative writer, novilist, screenplay writer or playwrite.

I am writing a screenplay, the successful aplicant will earn 2% and will act as a ghost writer meaning you name will not be attatched.

What do you have to gain?

You will be working with a highy imaginative, trained screenplay writer.

You will learn the power of structure and the importance of applying stradegy to the writing process.

You will expand in everyway as a writer from conception to conviction learning exactly how to make a story work and to mine an idea for its full potential.

I feel absolutely blessed to be in the creative industry and am humbled by the furtive creative energy that esters continuosly from the minds of the imaginitives amoungst us.

Artist have the potential to leave lasting influences on our society and if we work together our ideas may take on larger momentum!

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Okay, let’s break this golden opportunity for the gormless down.

I am writing a screenplay, the successful aplicant will earn 2% and will act as a ghost writer meaning you name will not be attatched.

If you’re unlucky enough to land this gig, you will earn 2%. Two percent of what? The ramen noodles he microwaved for breakfast? Somehow I doubt that the unemployment benefits he gets will cover the cost of paying you in cash money.

You will be working with a highy imaginative, trained screenplay writer.

So “highy” imaginative and trained that proper spelling has lost all its allure to him, as has writing the screenplay.

You will learn the power of structure and the importance of applying stradegy to the writing process.

You sure will, just as soon as he learns them.

You will expand in everyway as a writer from conception to conviction learning exactly how to make a story work and to mine an idea for its full potential.

After you conceive the idea, you will be convicted. If, however, you take a plea bargain, you’ll receive a reduced sentence.

I feel absolutely blessed to be in the creative industry and am humbled by the furtive creative energy that esters continuosly from the minds of the imaginitives amoungst us.

This is where whatever he’s been self-medicating with really kicks in. With lines such as the furtive creative energy that esters continuosly from the minds of the imaginitives, he could make a king’s ransom writing comedy or Taiwanese-to-English instruction manuals.

Artist have the potential to leave lasting influences on our society and if we work together our ideas may take on larger momentum!

There’s Rembrandt, there’s Beethoven, there’s Tolstoy, and there’s this guy.

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